So Thanksgiving came and went. We ate out for dinner. So, I went through the rest of the weekend secure in the knowledge that sometime this week my counter tops will be delivered, and the exodus of my feline friends would be over and our lives could return to normal. I could then celebrate by cooking a huge dinner on Sunday…a nice roast beef (medium-rare), homemade pan gravy with mushrooms, mashed potatoes, and green beans almondine. Hold those thoughts…hold the phone…hold…(well, I’m trying to keep this clean here)…well, hold the project.
My appliances were scheduled to arrive on the 22nd of November, they came on the 17th, from fucking GERMANY for Christ’s sake. You know, the guys we defeated after World War Two, and helped rebuild their nation so that not only do their trains run on time, their people do as well (and you should just see some of those German drummers, talk about syncopation…but I digress). We’ve had the flooring and the tiles for the backsplash for a while. The two barstools took 24 hours to order and arrive from Amazon and they came today. All of the pieces are here…except for the counter top. The counter top that has already been bought and paid for, the counter top that was templated and measured on November 18th, whereupon I was assured by a representative of The Counter Top Company that it should be ready by 7-10 days after measurement. I assumed business days, and factoring in for a long Thanksgiving Weekend, i pretty much figured some time today or tomorrow.
WRONG! Thank you for playing our game, we have some lovely parting gifts for you!
It seems that some genius between The Counter Top People and the Very Large Home Store didn’t manage to either: a) send my template to the company on time (impossible, because the Counter Top Company was the ones who MEASURED for the counters); b) decided to “check out” for a few extra days before Thanksgiving (entirely possible in either Company); or c) began to come up with flimsy excuses why THE OTHER GUY SCREWED UP. If you guessed “C”, congratulations…you get a part on the back and a few kind words from me regarding your elementary deductive reasoning. The bottom line is, the Very Large Home Store who had my money for several months (via my contractor who presented me with a completed supply order in September) waited from the 18th until the 1st of December to submit so-called “approval” for my order.
OK…now, the scary part is this: why show those as Accounts Payable when they can be held in Abeyance and not reported on the monthly financials, thus gaining whatever infinitesimal “float” you can on the money? You do this for several hundred thousand customers throughout the country and guess what? In addition to your store going “in the black” after Thanksgiving, you can even prop up those numbers even more by delaying Accounts Payable until the following month…like, oh say December 1st.
Bottom line: I’m fucked. Sure, we’re working around things: the floor and molding will go in tomorrow and Friday, the dishwasher will be installed, and whatever tile work that can be started will be. Unfortunately, the stove definitely cannot go in until the counters are installed…so two more fucking weeks of fucking frozen fucking dinners here. (I’m from Brooklyn originally just in case you couldn’t have guessed). In theory the counter tops will be here by the 15th.
If you see a pig flying out your window on that day, then you know that somewhere in New Jersey, there is a very happy man throwing every single TV dinner in his freezer out into the street.
“The perfect bureaucrat everywhere is the man who manages to make no decisions and escape all responsibility.” – Brooks Atkinson