The Thing That Will Not Die!

Does she not get the hint?  Well, there HAS been no hint, and that’s been the problem.

For the past three months since that ghastly Thing called Sarah Palin was unleashed upon an unsuspecting world, we have had to endure things we never expected to in our lives.  First came the daughter who was pregnant out of wedlock hiding her future kid while holding the future uncle of said kid in front of her in order to mask her bulge.  Then there was the so-called First Dude of Alaska, he of snow machining fame and full-time shadow Governor.  Then came the revelations of her being able to hunt, and skin, and do whatever it is you do with a moose in order to put it into your crock pot for chili.  Then we got even more insight into her view of animals because she just loves to hunt wolves from helicopters.  We can go on: the Wasilla Hillbilly shopping sprees (still the best description I ever heard; thank you anonymous McCain Campaign source);  going “rogue” during the campaign (which pretty much killed McCain’s chances); the disastrous interviews (even Sean Hannity couldn’t save her from herself, although she fared better there); the crazy religious zealotry…it was all there.  The coup de grace came on Election Night when she wanted to give a concession speech of her own.  Uh, hello lady!  The VP Candidate NEVER gives their own concession speech; certainly comments about it the next morning in whatever newspaper she happens read but can’t name, but NEVER on their own on a night that belongs to the victor and the vanquished.  And just like Barry Goldwater’s running mate, should have dropped off the face of the planet forever, or even taken a cue from Dan Quayle who vanished for about a year or so (Murphy Brown was canceled by then) then briefly resurfaced.  It should have been over and done with on November 5th.  Hell, even Tina Fey took a break!

But no…like “Plan 9 From Outer Space”,  the movie so bad it’s good (and considered to be the worst movie ever made)…it became “The Thing That Will Not Die!”, a real-life movie so horrific and so terrible; it’s makes “Plan 9” seem like “Citizen Kane” in comparison.  Ever since we all thought it was safe to come out of our homes, The Thing went home to Alaska and started talking up the media about her experiences on the campaign trail in those famous phrases, you know, the ones that make absolutely no sense…but seem to make it on the nightly news regardless and give Conservative Men wet spots in their BVDs in the process.  She downplayed any talk of someone going through her closets for GOP-owned duds, and of course a Senate run (should Ted The Felon have won his Senate seat and gotten kicked out by the same guys that gave him a standing O the other day if there was a Special Election held for his seat.)

Oops!  Looks like we got foiled on that little front there Governor Moosebrain!  So what does The Thing do?  She decides to pardon a turkey the other day, and in a scene that could only have been scripted by Monty Python or SNL, starts talking more about her rapidly tanking political career with the turkey farm as a backdrop…while they were decapitating the birds behind her.  I was both mortified and laughing hysterically at the same time.  She was using phrases like “on the chopping block” when asked about the State Budget cuts for God’s sake while the death rattles of a recently departed fowl took place behind her.  I am just awaiting this evening’s SNL to see what they plan on doing with this little faux pas…it should be a doozie.

So what happens next?  What will this pathetic Thing that passes as a human being do next, and will the media continue to cover this clueless and vile creature, making her The Thing That Will Not Die?  Only the people of Alaska know for sure,  and I am hoping that the next Gubernatorial Election they put themselves, and us out of our collective misery!

“A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.” – Groucho Marx


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