I Just Need A Small Bailout: A Letter To My Favorite Uncle

Dear President Bush, Senator Reid, and Speaker Pelosi:

As an American taxpayer who has faithfully paid his creditors on a timely basis and has never had a late mortgage payment in ten years, I am requesting a total of $200,000 to pay the balance of my mortgage and my home equity loan.

I have survived the September 11th Attacks on the World Trade Center, and as a result, have been declared mentally disabled due to Acute Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  My wife is a Registered Nurse who works a scheduled 36 hour week in 3 -12 hour shifts.  She never leaves the hospital on time, because Federal Budget cuts have required the State of New Jersey to also scale back it’s funding.  As a result, many hospitals have been forced to close their doors, and hospitals are severely overcrowded.  This forces my wife to work an average of two to three hours longer than her scheduled shift each day she works.  As a result, she has less time to spend with her family, which you cannot put a price tag on.

The funding I am requesting will alleviate our monthly budget expenses greatly, thus enabling us to save for our children’s college education; which we cannot do now because we are also being taxed to death.  If the State of New Jersey could tax your every breath the would; they almost taxed toilet paper about 15 years ago…and that cost a Governor his job.

I am also requesting an annual amount of $8,000 for my property taxes for the next 20 years.  The total expenditure is $360,000.

My reasons for requesting this amount are simple: my wife and I have played by the rules, and done the right things for all of our married lives.  We even kept the economy moving by purchasing consumer goods that kept other people in their jobs, just like President Bush asked us to do shortly after 9/11.

I would also like to be compensated in some small way for the loss of my mental capabilities due to your ineptitude at protecting the American People from a terrorist attack that never should have happened in the first place.  I would also like to have some of my taxpayer money back from that war in Iraq that was supposed to pay for itself by the sale of oil from that country’s Government.  They are currently running a large surplus at this time, and I’m sure that given the fact we freed them from a tyrannical dictatorship, they wouldn’t mind helping me out because of their eternal gratitude for the Freedom we provided them thanks to the brave men and women of our Armed Forces; over 4,000 of whom have sadly died.

I would also like this compensation because you have yet to catch those parties responsible for the reprehensible attack on American soil.  I find it quite amazing that our Intelligence Services and technology can’t locate a 7 foot Arab dragging a dialysis machine behind him through rocky terrain.  I think I am asking for a small amount relative to all that I have been through in the past seven years, and despite that; managing to pay all my bills and taxes on time.

You may feel free to credit the amount of $360,000 as a direct deposit to my checking account.


An American Citizen Who Did The Right Thing.


5 responses to “I Just Need A Small Bailout: A Letter To My Favorite Uncle

  1. Arkangel3 great letter.

    Think you can get me some of my money back too? No, I probably should write my own letter.

    -Love your blog but sometimes have trouble reading the tiny white on black screen (even when I blow the page up) its my eyes I think. You are brilliant.

  2. Thanks for the kind words…although I wouldn’t exactly call myself “brilliant”. Charming, handsome, modest, and well informed; perhaps 😀

    As far as font sizes go, unfortunately Word Press doesn’t allow you the choice to vary that from your current theme, without paying for an upgrade AND knowing what type of code to write once you do get the upgrade. I have no problem with a bit of extra cash going into something I love doing, but it would be a wasted effort if I upgrade, only to find out that my blog was one day being written in Sanskrit. 😀

    To make viewing the posts easier on your eyes (and I have trouble seeing them myself, and I have a 24″ iMac), just click on the post’s title and it will be brought up on it’s own with larger font…or as least as large as the current style sheet allows.

  3. OK…I did one better: I changed the site format! I think the fonts and contrast should make this site much easier to read than the previous template did. You (and I) can now safely put our bi-focals away! 😉

  4. Hi from another mudpuppie who’s enjoyed your posts there.

    LOVED your “just need a small bailout” letter & DITTO!

    My letter would include health insurance premiums that have increased 20% per year as self-employed individual. BC/BS low ded. 80/20 co-pay went to $500/mo. 15 yr. ago, and switched to MSA insurance with no co-pay but annual $1500 ded., which increased to $2000 over 5 yr. & premiums jumped annually by 20% until I was paying $575/mo. — and jumped 60% solely due to moving from IA to GA!! To get it back down to $450, I had to return to BC/BS with a $3000 ded. & 70/30 co-pay. Bottom line = in addition to those premiums, I paid out of pocket 90% of medical costs for 15 years, including some serious PT for over a year due to injuries.

    Best way for us to get any bailout is not pay our house loans, then our mortgage banks can get our “tin can” bailed out. Can you just imagine the incredible “perfect storm” if we all did that? Maybe that should be a massive non-violent consumer revolt – Ghandhi-syle “movement”- no house payments & no US cars, boycott Wal-Mart & Target, etc. THAT would get the media’s attention since advertising would be suddenly cut. On the line of MLK’s boycott of buses.

    Whew… I should flesh that out for my own blog.


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